John Lemon's Barrel of Fish

2003-09-05T22:19:00.000-07:00

LIGHT BLOGGING

Heavy schedule means that blogging will be light for awhile. My general impression at this time is that college would be a much better place to work if it wasn't for all the students and administerial duties. I've also tuned out the news for a few days, just long enough to buy a cowboy hat. I am asuming that nothing is happening out there in the world.

2003-09-05T22:18:00.000-07:00

OH MY GOD! LEMON JR. IS A DEMOCRAT

Today while bathing Lemon Jr. in the master bathtub (a reward for showing his teachers the futility of postmodern pedagogy -- i.e., teaching from the heart), I noticed some very wet walls. Since it was the master bathtub (a very large soaking tub with room for massive amounts of toys), the walls don't have tiling, but are instead simply drywall and paint. No one would expect water to splash up there.

When asked how the water got on the walls (most likely when I went under the sink to get a new bottle of shampoo), Lemon Jr. replied, "It wasn't me. A giant airplane with a mouse came down and the mouse made the walls wet."

The NY Times will be picking up on this story shortly.

2003-09-05T22:12:00.000-07:00

THINGS SAID TO US TODAY

Setting: Day 4 of Pre-School

"Dr. Lemon, normally our discipline policy is to help the child understand why he hurt the feelings of others. We encourage passive resolutions of conflict. However, we believe that your child is an extraordinary child and for that reason we have drafted a restraining order. If your son doesn't adapt to our nuturing environment, we're calling the police on Monday."

2003-09-05T22:08:00.000-07:00

MID-LIFE CRISIS

I bought a cowboy hat yesterday! That didn't go over too well with 50% of the adults in the Lemonhouse. A vast majority of the toddler set approved though.

I also bought a paisley silk waistcoat (i.e., vest) that compliments some of my suits. I thought Mrs. Lemon would freak on that one, but she actually liked it.

2003-09-05T22:06:00.000-07:00

HELP SETTLE A DOMESTIC DISPUTE

Mrs. Lemon and I have been wrangling over the following question today:

"Is it appropriate for a child to explore the world around him?"

Your input in settling this dispute would be greatly appreciated.

2003-09-05T22:05:00.000-07:00

CORRECTION TO THE ABOVE POST

It should read, "Is it appropriate for a child to explore the trash dumpster behind McDonald's?"

You might be suprised how the various adult members of the Lemonhouse lined up on this issue.

2003-09-05T12:43:00.000-07:00

NO ESTRADA

Did anybody notice that yesterday's Democratic presidential candidate debate, which was geared towards the Latino audience, did not feature any questions or comments regarding Miguel Estrada? Hmmmm...

(Note: Blogging is light since I have much work here at the beginning of the semester.)

2003-09-04T18:01:00.000-07:00

LEMOMETER

Today's reading: Smashmouth and Tom Petty. (My wife had the Steve Burns CD). It was a very good day today!

2003-09-04T18:00:00.000-07:00

LIEBERMAN

Bob Kerrey had a rather well-written op-ed in the WSJ today. I won't link to it b/c you have to be a paid website subscriber, and because I like my news to come in tree form. Kerrey's main point was that Lieberman is taking the high principled road in the Democratic nomination process, willing to "tell it like it is" when it comes to issues like school vouchers and foreign policy. I'm a bit skeptical on some of Lieberman's positions since he has "gone wobbly" on a few issues near and dear to my heart (namely vouchers). Need I remind you he backed away from some of his more conservative policies when he ran with Gore.

Nonetheless, Lieberman is a Democrat I could live with in the White House. (And the way Bush is going, Lieberman may even be the more conservative.*) At a minimum, I wish Lieberman would get nominated in the top slot of the Dem's ticket as I think a real debate on some issues would be warranted. Bush shouldn't be afraid to debate the tough issues so long as he holds true to some basic conservative principles (which, as I implied, he has shied away from). And as I said before, I think a Dean candidacy would be a drawback for the GOP's Senate hopes as an early Bush sweep out east could mean a drop in GOP voter turnout out west (disproportionate to Dean's supporters) and this in turn could translate into not picking up key Senate seats (and governorships, etc.).

* I'm disappointed recently in the White House not using the bully pulpit for Estrada (and as a means of winning over Latino voters to the extent that they could have) as well as this weird commission on saving manufacturing jobs, which won't save manufacturing jobs but will just waste money. The UN in Iraq thing has got me down as well.

2003-09-04T17:51:00.000-07:00

SMALL FISH IN A BIG POND, OR SMALLER POND?

MSN.com, which usually has trashy little articles that make USA Today look like the NY Times, and which are really nothing more than advertisements dressed as articles, today had a trashly little article nearly dressed as an ad. However, it raised an interesting question -- is it better to go to a smaller college as compared to a big university?

My initial answer is, yes the smaller college route is better. You are able to get much better attention at small schools and the faculty are less bogged down with work so you are more likely to get challenging writing assignments. Of course, there are always exceptions (one I will note below), but I think this is basically true. Interestingly, we pick most of our graduate students from the ranks of "middle tier" small colleges, not the big research universities. Of course the argument can be made that the big research U's have the brilliant scholars, but if they aren't teaching much or "dumbing down" assignments to make grading easier, then students won't benefit much. You don't become smart by standing next to a brilliant mind. You become smart by working hard (and getting a dose of good genetics helps too).

My caveat is that certain students who are aggressive in pursuing their education at a big U can do quite well for themselves. In large part these students are self-motivated and willing to demand a great deal from their institution. These are the skills that are needed in the corporate or entrepreneurial world. Nonetheless, the chances are higher that the "average" student will find it difficult getting the necessary challenges they need to improve themselves at a big U.

Comments?

2003-09-03T20:30:00.000-07:00

OUTLOOK: SMOG

This is getting ridiculous. The White House (via the EPA) lied about the air quality at Ground Zero following 9/11. Put your thinking caps on and lets imagine for a minute. It is September 12, 2001. Two buildings are down. The EPA orders an evacuation of a 20 square block radius around Ground Zero just in case the air is bad. What do you think the headlines would read now?

Perspective, folks. Perspective. No one ever imagined a couple of planes would down some major skyscrapers. And when it happened there is going to be some bad stuff in the air. Don't we have more important things to worry about relating to 9/11?

2003-09-01T21:26:00.000-07:00

(PRE-)SCHOOL DAZE

Lemon Jr. starts pre-school on Tuesday. In addition to an exhorbitant tuition, we get assessed a special fee for the privilege of serving on the PTA, which all parents must volunteer for. What the hell is the point of sending him to school if I'm always gonna be there volunteering? Aargh.

Anyways, we had to fill out a questionnaire ahead of time about our child. Here are the questions (in bold) and my answers to the questions. Unfortunately, Mrs. Lemon had white-out and made a few changes.

What are your expectations for your child this year?

Survival is primary. Beyond that, I just hope he doesn’t bite anyone. [I thought this question was inane since the curriculum is set. However, Mrs. Lemon informs me that this is a Monsterstory school, which apparently means “anarchy.” I was quite disturbed to discover that the teachers want our child to find “his own ways of learning.” First, what the hell are we paying the teachers to do? Second, I think they will quickly agree that biting is not an adequate pedagogy.]

What are you [sic] child’s interests/hobbies?

Screaming in the car. Running around naked. Missing the toilet. Throwing Mommy on the roof. And farting contests with Daddy. Fortunately, grammar is not a key interest in our household as that doesn’t seem to be a priority at this school either. (This question was pretty difficult to answer given that “interest” implies some degree of focused attention – at least 5 minutes. You'll understand if you have a four year old.)

[Of course, our actual answers were: classical music, a desire to play the violin, reading Solzhenitsyn, and debating postmodern existentialism.]

What interest do you share as a family?

Farting contests. Screaming. That pretty much sums it up.

What kinds of guidance and discipline techniques do you use at home?

I wanted to say “smacking him with a brick” to see how fast they would sic the state on us, but calmer heads prevailed. Of course, like every other family, we put down that we have long, loving discussions with our son about the various consequences resulting from inappropriate behavior and then engage in a negotiation over acceptable boundaries. Our voices are always happy whispers.

What do you see as your child’s strengths and weaknesses?

Strengths: He can terrorize the neighbor’s 7 year old. Isn’t distracted by any one thing for more than 3 minutes. Memorized Scooby Doo and Bad Boys theme songs. Doesn’t cry during horror flicks anymore.

Weaknesses: Still not as stinky as his father during various family contests. Can’t hit a 95 mph fastball.

Please offer any other information that you feel may help us to know your child.

He is pretty much annoyed by the 0.1% of kids who have peanut allergies since PB&J sandwiches have become a larger threat to our schools than heroin. And I really don't want you all to "know" my child. I want you to teach my child. That is why I am writing a big check. If I wanted somebody to know my child, I would allow him to wander freely at the Coffee Bean.

2003-09-01T20:52:00.000-07:00

US AIRWAYS...

...what a shitty little airline. They sell you headphones, but don't have any audio, just lame video. (I like my Enya-like posers on the plane.) Everyone was crabby. They wouldn't recognize any of my United stuff for upgrades. Asking for a bulkhead apparently was akin to petitioning the Supreme Court. And when I spilled water on myself, having bumped the beverage cart (my fault, not theirs), they didn't even offer me another glass of water!

2003-09-01T20:49:00.000-07:00

PROPERTY WRONGS

Why is it that I cannot paint my small tool shed (set back in the woods some 75 yards from the house) barn red, yet the neighbors kids can play in my yard whenever they want, leaving behind all manner of toys and items of apparel?

I think another name for "neighborhood organization" should be "supreme soviet."

2003-09-01T20:40:00.000-07:00

THINGS WE SAID TODAY

"Are you making coffee? Oh, its just the toilet."

"Daddy, let's clean the litter box and then throw Mommy on the roof."*

"Cats can't flush."**

* Totally unprovoked, this was one of the most quizzical comments I've heard from Lemon Jr. in quite sometime. FYI, Lemonhead does not have, nor has ever had, a policy of throwing the spouse on the roof.

** While not universally true, this was an accurate statement in a probabilistic sense.

2003-08-31T22:49:00.000-07:00

SHINE ON

I just had one of the best shoeshines ever. It took nearly a half hour, but I wish it would have continued longer. While the shoes were shined with the utmost attention to detail, my conversation with the shoeshine guy was one of the most interesting ever. The guy taught me more in 30 minutes than I learned over the past year, plus he did a dance. I gave him a 100% tip.

2003-08-26T18:34:00.000-07:00

THINGS WE SAID TODAY

"I know your frustrated because you don't want to pull up your underwear, but you don't bite mommy."

2003-08-26T13:42:00.000-07:00

THEY RULE THE ROAD

After a rather frustrating week, I finally had a pleasant experience. I put in an order at Road Runner Sports for some shoes and other stuff and the guy taking in my order on the phone was one of the most pleasant folks you could imagine. We talked about running and wished me well on my upcoming surgery (not actually surgery since they don't cut me open, but it is a special "procedure" nonetheless). Over the years, I have had countless pleasant experiences with this company and have never been disappointed with service or anything. A great company that specializes in selling running shoes and paraphenelia, but they have lots of other stuff for non-runners.

2003-08-26T09:45:00.000-07:00

BLOGGERS NEED BREAKS TOO.

John Lemon will be taking a short vacation for about a week. John Lemon will not be taking his computer. Even if John Lemon did take his computer, he would not uplink. John Lemon is obsessive, but is not that obsessive.

John Lemon will return.

2003-08-26T09:44:00.000-07:00

B.B. KING -- WEEK 2 AND 3

(For those not familiar with the BB King posts, start here.)

Things in Beaniebabyville have been on autopilot lately. Members of the al-Cata feline terror network have been on the prowl, but we have not had any additional attacks. Dust bunny production has been poor, but the citizenry is becoming covered with dusty dust, indicating that they have been working in the Dust Bunny Mines under the Guest Bed Mountains. I cannot resolve this paradox so I plan to appoint a blue ribbon commission to study this problem. Unfortunately, when I went to get the blue ribbon I found only pink and yellow. The Yellow Commission Panel met a few days ago. This action apparently provoked a minor incursion by at least one member of the al-Cata network, which resulted in said al-Cata suspect vomiting up on the dining room carpet. It appears as if this attack was directed more at Mayor Royale than the Beaniebabyville citizens themselves, since Mayor Royale had to clean it up on orders of Mrs. Mayor Royale (a Rasputin-like character who lurks in the shadows of Beaniebabyville).

As Mayor Royale will be undertaking a world tour over the next several days, and since he is concerned about the well-being of his citizenry (being the benevolent dictator he is), I have take it upon myself to convene a parliament. While history tends to point out that this is a bad idea (think French Revolution), I am assured by Gizmo the Lemur (who looks like a trusting fellow) that convening a parliament is a good idea. Beanieparliament, as it has been so named, took it upon itself to introduce legislation decreasing the work week in the Dust Bunny Mines and raise the minimum wage. Mayor Royale reminded them that the proper role of a parliament was to keep their mouths sewn shut. More importantly, the only legislation to be introduced and debated by Beanieparliament will be legislation introduced by Mayor Royale. And the debate shall be restricted to praise for the pure genius of Mayor Royale.

Gizmo the Lemur, head parliamentarian,* inquired to when I was leaving.

I said, "soon."

He smiled and wished me well. What a nice fellow.

* While Gizmo is technically a Prime Minister, I prefer the term head parliamentarian (small case letters) since it is actually a hybrid system like France. I figured France has a good track record with republican government, yet still maintains a history of tyrranical kings.

2003-08-26T09:16:00.000-07:00

MARY SHELLEY

Al Franken was on one of the morning shows yesterday. I can't remember which one. He claims that the Fox News lawsuit was prompted by Bill O'Reilly. I found this to be a plausible hypothesis as O'Reilly is increasingly becoming a megolomaniacal blowhard. He is able to take criticism less well than Larry King understands humor. Nonetheless, when Franken tried to make jokes, it was very, very apparent that they were all set up in advance and the delivery was horrible. I mean it was really horrible.

2003-08-26T09:03:00.000-07:00

A BOOK BY ITS COVER

One of my most despised sayings is "you can't judge a book by its cover." Of course you can. That is why publishing houses invest lots of time, energy and creativity into drawing up good covers. Or why book series have a distinctive covers so that you know that book belongs to a particular series.

This came up when Mrs. Lemon and I decided to get our windows washed. There is this little red truck that look like a scaled down version of an old-fashioned fire engine that drives around a neighboring community. The writing on the side neatly informs you that it belongs to a small window washing business. The truck is always spotless and well-organized. We decided to take the phone number off the side and give them a call. The "book cover" of this truck basically signalled that whoever washes your windows will take good care to do a professional job. Granted, this may be a ruse and the workmanship may be poor, but on first glance I would say the odds are against it.

Additionally, one of the things we look for when finding a handyman or specialty service provider (to fix things I routinely break) is the Christian fish symbol.* You've probably seen them on cars. Well, in the phone book, some businesses place these fish symbols on their ads. (We also look for professional looking ads if we want quality workmanship since a more expensive ad signals that the business is serious about capital investment and hence quality.) You've probably seen these symbos on the back of cars. Again, it may be the case that the business is just using this symbol deceptively, but odds are probably against it.

I think it is kind of interesting that I've never seen a contractor put a Darwin symbol** on their ads.

* I'm well aware that the fish symbol may likely has pagan origins, but that is besides the point so don't bother bringing it up.

** You have probably seen these on cars too -- they are a play on the fish symbol, basically a fish with little feet. I have always thought that whoever dreamt that one up was pretty creative.

2003-08-26T08:49:00.000-07:00

THE DOWNFALL OF WESTERN EDUCATION

If you are a teacher avoid this website like the plague. Also, if you are a parent and ever hear a teacher mutter something off this website during a parent-teacher conferences, get your kid out of that school ASAP!

And also for all you aspiring teachers, here is a bit of advice. Mrs. Lemon heard on the radio yesterday* that many teachers are trying to dress like their students to better connect with them. This includes shirts bearing the midrift and piercings. If you want to teach anywhere or at anytime, do not follow this trend. Kids have plenty of friends in their school, they don't need you to like or be liked by them. The two most beneficial things you can take with you into the classroom are authority and respect. Teachers who can achieve this and lighten the room up with some controlled humor are the best teachers around.

* Since radio is a format that tends to favor anecdote (spelled correctly) over aggregate data, this may not be a trend. But then again, a scatterplot is nothing more than aggregated anecdotes (again, spelled correctly).

2003-08-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

FAMILY EFFICIENCY

For those of you who don't have kids yet, you probably have wondered why parents with small children are always late. Five words:

"I can do it myself."

Generally followed by:

"No! No! I can do it myself!"

2003-08-25T22:08:00.000-07:00

THINGS WE SAID TODAY

"Please tell me those aren't urine stains on the wall."*

* While I don't like giving the context of these quotes away, suffice it to say that the urine stains were not Lemon Jr.'s fault (and they were not caused by animals).

2003-08-25T18:37:00.000-07:00

EPIPHANY

Today started out quite poorly. I didn't put the coffee pot underneath the coffee maker correctly (you'd thing a $120 machine would do it for you). I then spilled my only cup of coffee all over the floor. I knicked the car mirror on the garage while leaving. It became difficult dealing with the YMCA to get my kid's tee-ball picture from a delinquent coach. The day continued in this vein (with much more serious stuff -- at least in terms of career).

However, at about 3:30, it just hit me that this all didn't matter. I was on my way to get my son from school and realized that he doesn't care how many articles I publish, how many times I get invited to Harvard, whether or not I'm advancing the paradigm or whether I get promoted to full professor or not. He just wants me to roll around and play with him on the floor. To bring out the big workout ball and play "baby bowling" in the backyard, or teach him how to play tic-tac-toe.

While in the car driving back home, he said to me (totally unprovoked), "Daddy, some day when I'm bigger I'm going to get a tee-ball coach shirt just like you and coach tee-ball. You're a great coach Daddy. I really love you." This conservative crank nearly broke down blubbering in the car. (Fortunately, I got my senses straight and realized only pony-tailed lefties have "feelings." I then vowed to myself to kick a homeless person next time I was in New York.)*

Someone once told me that when you finally end up in an old-age home, no one ever talks about their careers. They talk about their families. It takes some people 70 years to figure this out. And some never do. I'm not going to be an academic superstar. I'm not going to shift any paradigms. I'll probably never be invited to Harvard again. But I think I'll do okay at the old age home.

* I should note that my son shortly followed this up with, "Daddy, can we go to the Coffee Bean and get a cookie now?"

2003-08-24T23:44:00.000-07:00

MORE B.B. KING ON THE WAY SOON.

2003-08-24T23:43:00.000-07:00

THINGS WE DID TODAY

My son has been extraordinarily good lately and my parenting skills have improved immensely (being that it is easy to be a parent when you child listens). This is not good for blogging. However, I did have a little bit of fun at mom's (Mrs. Lemon's) expense today. Lemon Jr. had to brush his teeth but was too excited about going swimming, and a bit tired from rough sleep the night before, that he was doing the civil disobedience thing -- kind of like a nun chained to a nuclear silo. So, instead of yelling, I dug deep into my bag of motivational tactics and combined it with some ways to improve household efficiency. The garbage in the upstairs bath had to be emptied. I told my son that emptying it was a big privilege and he could only do it if he brushed his teeth. Fortunately for the future productivity of our great nation Lemon Jr. is a genius. Unfortunately, he immediately figured out that I was bullshiting (bullshitting?). So, I went one step further and used a male primordial preference to my advantage. I said if he brushed his teeth he could take the garbage downstairs naked. It worked. But it also shocked his mom, who shouted "[Lemon Jr.]! What are you doing down here with no clothes on? What if our neighbors come over and see you?"* To which I replied from the top of the stairs, "like they've never seen a naked kid before!" Which drew the response, "not our kid."** She did have a good point.

* This is an unlikely scenario, but a great excuse because the kid doesn't know better on that yet.

** This is not entirely true -- our neighbors, no; strangers, yes. I do believe I blogged about my child being in a department store one time, noticing that they were selling the same underwear he was wearing and shouting out that he had the same underwear, after which he began to pull down his pants and reveal all his glory. (When he pulls down his pants, his underwear tends to come with it -- most owners of 3 year olds can concur on this point.)

2003-08-24T23:28:00.000-07:00

FREDDY V. JASON

Now why didn't the Supreme Court take this one up?

Just got back and here is my basic Shakespearean review of the plot.

Boys meet girls.
Boys get folded in bed and pierced (though not simultaneously).
Many more boys meet many more girls.
Most of those boys and girls get pierced, diced, burned, etc.
Boy and girl burn and drown two miscreants.
Miscreants appear dead, but you should know better.

This is Hamlet if there ever was anything.

Admittedly, this movie was more entertaining than the Matrix Reloaded, but not at all scary or even that gory. Despite a quantum leap to keep the plot moving, it was your basic monster-slasher film and a bit better than I had expected (super-low expectations will do that.)

2003-08-24T12:30:00.000-07:00

STAY OUT THE BUSHES

For those of you not familiar with the male half of the human species, let me give you some insight. There is something primordial about male behavior that tells us that if there is a large natural space (e.g., forest) with no one around, it is okay to pee. In fact, you could basically say that no male is 100% trained to used indoor plumbing, even when it may only be 50 feet away.

Now let me tell you a bit about my environment. The Lemons live right next to a heavily wooded area (about 3 square miles behind and to the side of us). We are in a neighborhood, but it is difficult to see your neighbors. We live in a portion of this neighborhood where the chance of a car coming by is virtually nil.

Well, I'll let you figure out the rest. I have to take my son swimming.*

* The first paragraph can be applied to small children and swimming pools.

2003-08-24T12:25:00.000-07:00

THINGS WE SAID TODAY

"I officially declare this to now be a bad time to teach you about home improvement projects."

2003-08-23T23:09:00.000-07:00

GET A BLUE CLUE

As you may know, I've been very high on this guy. I am impressed that the guy from Blues' Clues -- a fairly popular children's show for those of you without kids or TVs -- is transitioning from being a popular kids TV host to a "rock star." He recognizes his past and doesn't shun it (and actually embraces it -- smart from a marketing perspective), yet he is setting off on a new course. Plus, he's linked to the Flaming Lips now and that is always a good thing.

Bryan at Arguing With Signposts (probably one of the best blog titles I've ever seen) comments on this as well and links to the follwing Nick Jr. site that explains the transition from Steve to Joe. Apparently this transition has created a great deal of controversy or, at a minimum, concern among the tens (if not hundreds) of thousands of toddlers. I basically thought Blues' Clues was a fairly basic kids show, but it almost seems to have cult status. Anyways, here is a portion of Nick Jr's site that tells parents how to deal with the transition from Steve (now a rock star) to Joe (a much geekier looking host who likes squares better than stripes).

4. How can I help my child with the transition?
There is no one way to best handle transitions. Each child is attached to Steve and the Blue's Clues world differently. Ultimately, your child's personality will determine how you handle this change with him or her. The Blue's Clues team did lots of research to present the transition from Steve to Joe in a way that is clear, positive, and inspiring. In the coming weeks, we'll present expert advice and tips that will help you and your child feel more comfortable with the transition.

Experts?! Research?! Are there really experts who specialize in cartoon transitioning? Can I really do a research project to see if kids will freak out if Steve's brother comes to permanently visit a felt salt shaker? Give me a break! It is a TV show!! You should teach kids that TV is just pretend -- its not real (except college football and the MLB... and reruns of The A-Team). My three year old understands this. If Greg Page of the Wiggles (a monstrously popular TV show) decides to leave to pursue his current sideproject* full time, I will simply tell my kid that he was taken down by Columbian narcoterrorists. That should put an end to that discussion.

* If your kid watches the Wiggles or if you know anything about the Wiggles (which I actually like), you must check out Greg Page's page. It is almost surrealistic, like a weird joke. BTW, did you know that Jeff (the Purple Wiggle) is nearly 50 years old, if not 50?!

2003-08-22T22:53:00.000-07:00

LEMOMETER

Some folks were worried about me. Thanks.

However, today the Lemometer was reading this and this. That is good. That pretty much means a mellow and happy Lemon. Start to worry if I listen to this or this.

Also, I saw cows today and cows make me happy. Cows can't blog. And that's a good thing. Though if they could blog, I imagine they would say nice things about me because I like cows.

2003-08-22T22:46:00.000-07:00

THINGS WE SAID TODAY

"I got him dirty, so why do I have to bathe him?"

(Sidenote: A few folks have mentioned that they really like these posts. I do too, and they are real life sayings. However, since someone first mentioned that they liked them a few weeks ago, I have been so self-conscious about what I am saying that we haven't had as many weird moments. I follow my son around the house urging him to do something weird so I can run to the den and blog. This is probably not a good think for his psychological development. So I've laid back a little bit.)

2003-08-22T22:44:00.000-07:00

CALL ME LIGHTNING (ROD)

I just realized that what is happening to me in the blogosphere has happened to me in my academic life (and not in any way related to being conservative).

Update: Steven set me right on correcting the title with a parenthetical. This title is a play on my favorite Who song.

2003-08-22T22:42:00.000-07:00

BLOG DUMP AND SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS

You may notice that I've deleted a number of postings on my website. (Unfortunately, I'm sure there is somebody in Albania who has archived everything. Sigh.) Allow me to explain and to set aside some worries about good ol' John.

As many of you know, I became the topic of one of Kevin Drum's post. His initial post asked whether there is widespread discrimination against conservatives in the academy based upon some of my anecdotal [spelled correctly, please note] observations from inside said academy. Drum's post was meant to stir a general discussion, but I quickly became a particular target. Before I was even aware of the discussion, several people heaped some pretty vitriolic statements on me. I'm fine with that. My initial entry into the discussion was met with the comment "...why should anyone believe that you are other than 100% full of shit?" This was followed shortly by "He's a flaming horse's ass." Nice. (If you think I'm dowdifying, take a look at the entire thread and decide.) But I still didn't have problems with it. My subsequent post included a little ribbing at the commentator of the "shit" line. Here is what I said.

"Well, Ringo...if I was 100% full of shit I would not be alive since I need my vital organs to survive. Remember Biology 101? And be careful Ringo or I'll bring back Pete Best. It don't come easy, you know."

This is my typical play of words and references which I thought appropriate given my pseudonym is a play on a Beatle name. I could see how it could be construed as hostile, but I also thought it was kind of tongue-in-cheek playful. (Note the reference to a famous Ringo song.) I made some more comments and said that I would post on my blog later (which I did) and was then called a "troll." (I still don't know the exact definition of that term as I've seen it used two different ways. Update: Steven set me straight on this. There are indeed two definitions and I was correct in what both were.) It got uglier from there and I don't think I was drawn into any namecalling myself. Nonetheless, I'm still fine with the namecalling.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. Well, the sticks and stones came out. I received a comment (since deleted) saying that I was going to be "outed" and that my identity would be shared with my colleagues. And either the same person or another person on a subsequent post at CalPundit said they knew who I was and was considering going public with it.

That's when I became concerned. While it may or may not be true that there is discrimination against conservatives in academia as a whole, I have enough evidence that I am concerned in my particular situation. Yes, it is anecdotal, but it is also my career and I invested alot in this career. Also, there is more anecdotal evidence that I have not shared because much of it is too self-referential. There will be some skeptics on this point, and I probably will never convince them. Fine.

My initial response to this possible "outing" is posted below. I pondered whether I should just hit the "nuke" button and say goodbye to blogging -- it is a pasttime which takes up too much time. But it is fun. And I like fun. I received some very positive feedback and some tremendous assistance from Dishman. I owe him big time and someday would like to buy him a beer or a full dinner plus beer. He is a very good person. I appreciated all this support.

With Mrs. Lemon sitting on the lounge chair next to me and the family computer, and based upon her advice, I began to purge postings that could give possible clues to my identity. Note however that I'm not entirely dumb. The references in my blog are off-kilter a bit. Nonetheless, there were some times that I let my hair down, so I decided to dump anything may be construed as a clue. If this is seen as cowardly or hypocritical then call me a cowardly hypocrite. Again, this is about my career. I also purged some of the more vulgar uses of the f-word. I promise now to use the f-word only when it is absolutely necessary to make a point (which may be often). Sadly, I had to get rid of some of my more interesting and sarcastic posts. (Yes, folks, there is sarcasm on this site. You have been warned.)

Now, I will admit some culpability (that sounds like an academic word doesn't it?). This blog allows me to "scream" a little bit. It allows me to vent. It allows me to whine. If I'm the only blog that does that, well then I need to get with the program. However, I doubt it. My descent into vulgarity (mostly the f-word) probably did not make anyone want to cuddle me like a favorite Beanie Baby. Realize that I do not intend this to be an intellectual blog in the mold of Glenn Reynolds, Kevin Drum, Daniel Drezner, etc. Yes, they have fun content. But they also post very good and thoughtful commentary. This blog is more gutteral, more sarcastic, and yes... more inane. I'm okay with inane. I do inane pretty well and am a firm believer in comparative advantage. Plus, I'm intellectual in my offline life, so why can't I have a little venting time here? Nonetheless, the gruffness of my postings and rantings can possibly make me a target of vitriol (another cool big word). There will not likely be a John Lemon Beanie Baby anytime soon. Perhaps a "troll doll?"

Folks, I am fine with name calling, but let's keep some perspective and allow me my (cyber)space to rant and rave in peace. I have never threatened anyone's career. In fact, I have helped out many, many students go on to very, very successful carreers with whom I disagree with politically. If I'm alienated from my department, my ability to do this will be severely limited. You don't want to do that no matter what side of the ideological spectrum you are on.

And now let's dispense with some basics.

I am a libertarian Republican. Some of my views may be considered liberal. I'm not the classic conservative that Kevin Drum is looking for. (He may be surprised that they aren't as common as he might suspect, even among the churchy crowd.)

I'm not John Hinkley. Despite rumors that I got into a fistfight with another professor (the rumor never told me whether I won or not), I have not been in a fight for over 25 years. I even walk away from conflict on the basketball court (it goes with the whole "coward" thing).

I actually like Daniel Drezner's website and think he is on his way to being an academic superstar. I will never be that, and that makes me jealous.

Nonetheless, I am a good scholar, a good (actually great) teacher, and a very competent administrator.

There may be a clue in the title of the post below, but you need to listen closely. And you may have to go to the UK to do it.

The stories that were posted on this blog were all true, though some names and places were changed to protect the innocent ... actually, not the innocent, but me.

My Bush magnet actually was ripped off from my car. Despite bumpers being made of non-magnetic material, the back panels of my SUV and pickup are metal and hold magnets. Bumperstickers don't always go on bumpers. Plus, I went to a local craft store to buy magnetic sheets wherein I made my own "bumpersticker magnets." I'm very creative in a "go-to-the-craft-store-and-buy-magnets" kind of way. (Update: My order for more stickers came today, so you don't have to send them. If you see an SUV with a Bush magnet on, you can take it off if it makes you feel better, but first be sure it is mine.)

My Beaniebabyville subjects are not too pleased that I've been neglecting them.

I'm not actually mad at Ringo and wouldn't really replace him with Pete Best. I've been on record as saying Ringo was the only normal Beatle.

I still really like these guys and this guy too. If you have kids younger than 12 years or so, you should really check out the latter guy's web page and watch the video where he is sitting next to a young child. It is brilliant and explains everything. After doing that you will appreciate this guy even more.

2003-08-22T17:04:00.000-07:00

NO FUN*

About 6 months ago, I started this blog on the advice of Scott Ott. As it is with many bloggers, it was a way for me to vent some frustrations and have a little fun. The majority of my posts try to be witty and/or sarcastic. I also like to blog about personal things in my life (e.g., the TP incident below, or all the odd things a parent says to a kid during the course of a day) because other people may often share those same experiences. I'm not trying to give myself a "soft edge" here, as I can be pretty harsh (and downright odd) sometimes. At times, I can be pretty vulgar too. I also use hyperbole. So do Al Franken and Ann Coulter (although they both get paid more).

I recently became the topic of discussion over at Kevin Drum's CalPundit despite the fact that Kevin's initial query was more about academia in general, rather than John Lemon in particular. I got in on the discussion thread and was pretty punchy in some of my responses, so much of what I got back was probably deserved (though there were some nasty comments prior to me ever jumping in on the thread).

Now there is apparently at least one person (and possibly two) trying to "out" me. I don't care if you call me whining, a crank, a liar, etc., but this goes a bit too far. It no longer is much fun (and I honestly did enjoy the discussion before -- I tried to be playful with the guy called Ringo since my pseudonym is a play on a famous Beatle [not an "everyman sour guy" like someone thought). I don't know what the point of "outing" me would be other than being spiteful. If you want to contact me personally, fine. Send it to my lemon address -- johnlemonhead at hotmail dot com, because if you are wrong, I don't want you bothering somebody else.

While I am actually a bully and tyrant in cyberspace, you would be amazed to see how personable I am in the flesh, and how popular I am among students, many who I have sent on to successful careers. Do I sometimes play mind games with people? Yep. Is that being personable? Probably not. But I do this in a playful way. I have helped the graduate student noted below with more advice than you could imagine, and I'm not even a formal member of the committee. Do I sometimes crumple paper in the face of people who shove in my face the Socialist Weekly or whatever pamphlet it happens to be that day? Yep. Is that being personable? No. So I'm not personable 100% of the time, but more often than not I am.

For those of you who still don't think I'm a professor, fine. I'm a computer programmer who can't figure out how to get off blogspot.

Right now I am really debating whether to continue this blog. It isn't just because of the "drumbeating" I've been taken. Well, in part that it is it (so some of you are justified to call me a sore loser or a quitter or a coward). It is the "drumbeating" (and again not done by Kevin, who runs a nice blog) in combination with the amount of time it takes away from other things. I'll think about it.

And finally, for the person who implied I am a liar since today's bumpers can't hold magnets because they are made of plastic, fiberglass or some other non-magnetic material: I drive an SUV and a pickup. Both have large, flat metal rear panels. Saying "bumpersticker" is easier than saying "largeflatmetalrearpanelsticker."

* By the way, this is a reference to a song by the Sex Pistols (the last song they played in concert with Sid Vicious). I think most people would not pick up on that reference.

2003-08-20T21:42:00.000-07:00

MOLE UPDATE

It was the largest mole I've ever trapped -- probably a radioactive mutant. I pulled it from the ground at the right time. It was dead, which avoids a big "man vs. nature" struggle, and rigor mortis had set in. That makes it easier to fling into the woods. Coyotes will be happy tonight. Another day or two and it would have been very "mushy."

I'm getting good at this and I didn't even need to use my SUV.

UPDATE: About ten minutes after initially posting this, I head a pack of at least 5 coyotes just outside the window.

2003-08-20T21:35:00.000-07:00

THINGS WE SAID TODAY

"But I don't like lettuce."

"Well, then its a good thing that you hid it in the toaster."

2003-08-20T21:32:00.000-07:00

AN ETERNAL QUESTION

Is asked here, and I've seriously been contemplating this because this guy is everywhere lately -- including inside Demi Moore.

The funniest thing about this article is that they mention Anson Williams as a good looking sitcom star with promise. Remember Anson? If you don't, he was Potsi on "Happy Days."

2003-08-20T10:16:00.000-07:00

NO BOZOS

If I start going bald, I am not going to grow long whatever hair I have left. Do some people not realize that the Bozo the Clown look is out? Actually, don't they know that it was only "in" for entertainers who used white makeup and had a red nose?

I have a simple, easy-to-remember code that I live by: Maximize utility, minimize negative externalities.

Bad hair is a negative externality.

2003-08-20T10:14:00.000-07:00

DOES THIS HAPPEN TO BILL GATES?

Today I'm in the gym and had my usual morning bowel movement. Ever since our septic incident last month I try to hold it until I can dump on someone else. I do my duty and then wipe. However, some of the toilet paper gets caught on the front upper part of the bowl. I do my routine "courtesty flush" (in part to annoy environmentalists) and the wad of streaked toilet paper is still there. And this is a power flush toilet (I love those things and want one in my home). I try one more flush. Nothing. What do I do? Do I walk away and hope nobody takes this stall right away (hence associating my face with a big wad of dirty toilet paper)?

Does this happen to Bill Gates? Warren Buffett? Ariana Huffington? David Byrne?

What would you do? ...and check back later to see what I did.

UPDATE: Roux had a good idea, but such a solution was too late as I had basically evacuated. I gently prodded the non-dirty part of the TP lower into the bowl and flushed again. At first it looked like nothing would happen and that I hadn't pushed far enough, but it was drawn down at the last minute. To avoid the "floating flakes" I did do a courtesy flush. Given the amount of water I used, Echo Lake dropped another 4 feet. Too late to save it.

2003-08-20T10:09:00.000-07:00

THE KEY QUESTION

Following the Iraq bombing, I don't hear anyone from the UN asking, "What did we do to deserve this?" C'mon guys, do some navel-gazing. Get our your shovels and start digging for the root causes.

Oh, yes... and your welcome for the soldiers who came to the rescue.

2003-08-20T10:07:00.000-07:00

WOW! WHAT COURAGE!!

The UN will persevere in Iraq. Thanks guys. Its good to know you got our back.

2003-08-19T23:08:00.000-07:00

BLUES' BLUES

Steve Burns is a guy who some of you with kids might know. He is the human being on Blues' Clues. Well, he just made an album with the help of some Flaming Lips. It is actually quite good. Seriously.

2003-08-19T21:44:00.000-07:00

KICKIN' ASS

A football-based Carnival of the Vanities is up and running faster than Walter Payton* at OTB. A clever design. However, John Lemon was relegated to kicker status! What the fuck is that about?! Kickers are described as "weird little guys...but essential to the game." OK, little may be apropos for still being on blogspot and not having yet busted the 500 visit mark, but "weird"? What is so weird about ruling over a kingdom of miniature plush toys? My therapist says this is a perfectly "normal" (he signifies the quotes by holding up his fingers and wiggling them) to have a Beanie Baby Kingdom. Lots of special children do it! And I'm special just for being me.

I was hoping at least to qualify as an Oakland Raiders' linebacker for my recent cheap shots and late hits on Daniel W. Drezner. Also, I played the defensive line as a kid (since my coach said I was good at running straight ahead into brick walls),** but I've been more than offensive recently.

* Being For The Benefit of Jay Solo (not Mr. Kite), Let It Be known that Sweetness is not running all that fast these days.

** Let it be known that I was a very sucky player on a very, very sucky team.

2003-08-19T21:31:00.001-07:00

MAN VS MOLE

Score one for The Man this time.

Helpful tips -- once you trap a mole (with a claw trap), leave it in the ground for at least 48 hours. If you remove the mole too early, it may still be alive and it is a real mess to get it out of the trap when it is still wriggling (I learned this a couple years ago and had to bludgeon it with a shovel).

I bet this post is driving the environmentalists crazy. Ha!

2003-08-19T21:31:00.000-07:00

THINGS WE SAID TODAY

"No. I don't think the dead mole wants to be your friend."

2003-08-19T21:22:00.000-07:00

THE FRIDGE

We have one of these super airtight refridgerators that are pretty difficult to open. Inside the freezer there are popsicles and Otter Pops. Lemon Jr. has long wanted access to these popsicles, but at 3 1/2 years he is not yet capable of opening the fridge. Well...that changed today. We heard some small grunts coming from the direction of the fridge, then the freezer door popped open and we heard a whispered yell. "Yes!"

(I really wish I had that one on tape.)

2003-08-19T14:51:00.000-07:00

H.R. HUFF 'N STUFF

I am listening to Michael Medved right now. Ariana Huffington is the guest. Oh my, what a dolt. First, I keep picturing Zsa Zsa Gabor (take that you nasty police officer) when she talks. Second, most of her argumentation is bumper sticker deep. But the best was when a caller asked her if it was somewhat hypocritical to complain about SUVs when she owns an 8,000 square foot house that uses lots and lots of fossil fuels to power. Her response? "My house is fueled by gas not electricity."

Oh, well I guess that clears that up.

One more thing. Ariana, if elected governor, promises to close tax shelters. Where will homeless taxes sleep at night?!

2003-08-19T14:45:00.000-07:00

B.B. KING -- DAY 8
The Great S'Mores Catastrophe

Being in a particularly (or perhaps peculiarly) benevolent mood yesterday, I decided to treat the good citizens of Beaniebabyville to a grand celebration. This celebration involved a grand feast of graham crackers, marshmallows and chocolate bars -- The Great Feast of S'Mores! Given the dry weather here this summer, I considered it too dangerous to use our backyard fire pit.* Safety is always a primary concern of mine when it comes to my citizenry. I am nothing if not a compassionate dictator.

My decision was to use the microwave oven. As it turned out, this was a bad decision. Perhaps the better term would be "horrific decision." To simulate the fire pit experience, I decided to place the marshmallows on roasting sticks. I loaded up a marshmallow and gave it to Sherbert the Bear to hold. I gently placed him in the microwave. Sadly, I used our more premium roasting sticks that are made of steel. I forgot that you shouldn't put metal in a microwave. Please place Sherbert on the "retired" Beanie Baby list.

After substituting bamboo roasting sticks for the metal ones, I then gave a rather nervous Bonsai the Chimp the honor of roasting the first marshmallow. In he went and the microwave was set on high for 2 minutes (the time it takes to perfectly brown a marshmallow over an open fire). Well, apparently microwaved marshmallows don't need that long to cook. Moreover, they don't get very brown. Not even a half gallon of Spray N Wash could save poor Bonsai.** Retire him too.

I then asked for volunteers, adding that I learn quickly from my mistakes. No one volunteered and most Beanies said it was past their bedtime. I dismissed my citizens knowing that I had proven myself the most beneficent of rulers.

* FYI, dead grass looks better mowed than unmowed. Go figure.

** Note for future festivals -- the internal organs of Beanie Babies do not hold up well to microwaves.

2003-08-19T12:30:00.000-07:00

DIVIDEND DUMBNESS

Daniel Gross attempts to add to the case that tax cuts are bad things in this half-baked Slate article (are there any others?). He specifically takes on the tax cut on dividends by noting the following:

In the weeks since Congress slashed the tax on dividends to 15 percent, stocks that pay dividends have fared worse than their brethren who stubbornly refuse to share their earnings with shareholders. According to Standard & Poor's, between the beginning of June and mid-August shares of dividend-paying members of the S&P 500 rose 2.5 percent, while shares of nonpayers rose 3.9 percent. And the goose provided by dividends—2.174 percent annually for payers—doesn't come close to making up the difference.

Let's dissect this:

1) Gross makes a gross methodological error by failing to provide the relevant comparison. The relevant comparison is not between dividend and non-dividend generating stocks, but rather dividend generating stocks prior to the tax cut and after. (He does provide a partial comparison along this lines later in the article but it is only after the tax cut was announced -- still not the appropriate comparison.)

1a) Dividend-generating stocks will typically underpeform those stocks that don't generate dividends since most of the companies that give dividends are mature. These companies are unlikely to see huge jumps in their revenue as they have reached their market share maximum. There may be some marginal gains, but those are most likely to come when the economy and consumer spending is expanding. Thus, even a two year comparison on this question may not be adequate. (I'm betting that if you looked right after the tech bubble burst, circa 2000-01, you would see dividend producing stocks performing better than non-dividend producing stocks. The basis of comparison matters, Mr. Gross.)

1b) Likewise with his assertion that the average 2.2% annual return doesn't make up for the gap between the two types of stocks. We must ask what the annual average return and gap between these two stocks is over the long term, including in better economic times.

2) Gross fails to realize that different people invest in dividend-producing and non-dividend producing stocks. Dividend stocks are typically less risky and produce a constant stream of revenue. Older and more risk averse investors will favor these stocks. Since these folks are more risk averse, they are likely to tradeoff a lower return for a more guaranteed revenue stream. I bet these people are quite happy that they got a tax break.

3) There is no point 3, unless one considers this to be point 3.

Gross finishes with this point.

Perhaps taxes don't motivate investors as much as people like to think.

Well, if that is the case, should we up the tax rate to 95%?

I am quite amazed that Gross is allowed to call himself a business reporter/analyst. Then again he reports to Michael Kinsley.

2003-08-19T08:14:00.000-07:00

RUNNING IN CIRCLES

WaPo headline: "Lieberman refuses to run to the left."

Advice: I've done this before, but mostly on a track. You basically end up going in circles or, at a minimum, straight. However, when you keep running straight and refuse to turn, chances are you will hit a house, fence or car -- all of which hurt.

2003-08-18T16:36:00.000-07:00

BLOWHARD BILL

I never really knew much about Bill O'Reilly until I started watching Fox News about 4 years ago. At first, I was impressed by his hardball interview style (and I still am). He does ask questions that others would be afraid to (e.g., Larry King). However, after watching him for awhile, it is pretty clear that he is nothing more than a populist blowhard. I agree with him sometimes, but his anti-illegal immigration rhetoric (which borders on anti-immigrant hysteria at times) and his environmental views leave much to be desired. Nonetheless, I won't begrudge him his style as he does add some zest to the news / editorial mix.

However, his recent column on Al Franken was a bit disingenuous, particularly for someone who likes to expose those who are disingenuous. Here's why:

The accusation that Fox is a conservative network is pure propaganda. Poll after poll has demonstrated that Fox's audience is across the board, ideologically and demographically.

Here he mixes the subject of analysis. You cannot say that Fox News is not conservative simply because its audience is diverse. That's equivalent to saying that the NYT has a diverse audience so it is not a liberal paper. Nonsense. Whether Fox News is conservative is based simply on its editorial content and slant in news reporting. Here, I think it is fair to say that although Fox gives airtime to dissenting views and hosts point-counterpoint type shows, on average it is a conservative news outlet. O'Reilly's statement is methodologically absurd.

The latest survey taken by Mediamark Research finds that more ultraconservative viewers watch CNN than Fox.

That's probably true. But it is also probably true that more people watch CNN than Fox, though I'm not entirely sure on that. CNN is available in more media markets than Fox is, I believe. The correct statistic to be citing here is the rate of ultraconservative viewership in markets where Fox and CNN compete. It may very well be that ultraconservatives are concentrated in areas where Fox News is not yet available, thus CNN is the only alternative (MSNBC doesn't count since nobody watches it). Finally, it may be true that the a higher percentage of ultraconservatives watch CNN as compared to Fox in competitive markets, but we cannot discern this from O'Reilly's statement.

The dominance of Fox in the cable news world has shattered the stranglehold the left had on TV news for decades...

Doesn't this statement just seem to counter his previous claim that Fox isn't conservative? To shatter the "stranglehold the left had on TV news" you have to offer a non-left perspective, which most people would usually think is "the right." Perhaps he thinks that Fox is middle-of-the-road, which is a possible assertion, or that Fox is balanced left and right. But even the latter assertion would imply on average that Fox is more conservative than the other TV media outlets. One could debate the degree to which this is true (and test it by doing a content analysis of its coverage and editorializing), but I still think one would find that Fox is right of center. And as I said, as a conservative I'm okay with that.

Using liberal-leaning newspapers and publishing houses, the critics of Fox have unleashed defamatory personal attacks on me and other Fox news analysts and have attempted to denigrate the entire network. If Fox News crashed and burned tomorrow, these people would toast marshmallows in the flames.

Sticks and stones.... Suck it up Bill, lots of people call me names too. And as another Fox celebrity would say, "hmmmmm....s'mores."

It is simply a sorry joke to see a political activist like Al Franken labeled a satirist by The New York Times. Attempting to smear and destroy the reputations of those with whom you politically disagree is not satire. If that were the case, Richard Nixon's Watergate plumbers would all be writing for "Saturday Night Live."

Actually, that is the effect that satire can have and is a tool of political debate meant to bring down both ideas and their messengers. Granted, Franken's satire is rather mindless and vitriolic, but it's satire nonetheless. And the plumbers statement is just plain stupid.

We [Fox] don't do drive-by character assassinations, and we don't denigrate opposing points of view by launching gratuitous personal attacks.

Unlike "[i]t is a sorry joke to see a political activist like Al Franken labeled a satirist" or using the prhase "intellectually dishonest individuals" to categorize Franken and his ilk. Bill, your sense of irony is going the way of Maureen Dowd.

2003-08-18T13:04:00.000-07:00

THINGS WE SAID TODAY

"We are humans. Several millenia of evolution has allowed us to master our bowel movements. Try to keep that in mind."

2003-08-17T22:10:00.000-07:00

I'M A LITTLE PUKE

I just realized that I have probably been spelling "vomit" incorrectly all these past months. Given the amount of it I see on a weekly basis, from a variety of sources, it just seems like that word should have two m's.

2003-08-17T21:41:00.000-07:00

B.B. KING -- DAYS 3 - 7

Pick up the storyline here (beginning), here (Day 1), and here (Day 2).

Due to a vacation break, I have not been able to monitor Beaniebabyville as closely as I would desire. However, even the best Mayor Royale needs a break from the stresses of his daily rule. During my absence, Sequoia the Bear was in charge. I chose him because of his fierce loyalty to the goals and desires of Mayor Royale.

Upon returning and dealing with such mundane administrative duties as the vomit tray, I called Sequoia into the Supreme Leadership Chamber to discuss the past week's events. Sequoia reported that the Beanies are generally happy, although the dust bunny production quotas appear to be a bit excessive to them. I said, "Nonsense! The citizens of Powerrangerburg were seen outside in the mud yesterday, fulfilling more than the quotas laid down for them. Unless we want to be the subjects of the Powerrangers, we must keep mining at all costs."

Sequoia also reported another troubling incident in the kingdom. Apparently there was a night attack by the largest cat-looking terrorist, known simply as The Fat One (an overweight tabby considered to be part of the al-Cata Network). The Fat One swooped in and abducted Pinchers, one of the smallest citizens in the kingdom. I expressed initial skepticism with this report given the remarkable absence of feline puke anywhere in the greater household perimeter. (It is well-known that al-Cata terrorist strikes upon unsuspecting house plants, balloons or ribbons are usually announced with a trail of vomit.) However, a follow-up investigation revealed that Pinchers was indeed abducted and hurled down the back stairs of the house. One string tentacle had been chewed off and was likely passed in a bowel movement. I reassured Sequoia that a full scale investigation of the litter box would be conducted. (I later decided this would be a waste of precious governmental resources, not to mention being an extremely disgusting chore.) We agreed that Pinchers would be relieved of mining duties for the next week and stuffed in a miniature mailbox on the top of a bookshelf to recuperate.

Sequoia mentioned that several of the citizenry in Beaniebabyville were urging the construction of an ACM (Anti-Cat Missile) system. Tom Dachshund, speaker for the pacifist faction of Beaniebabyville, however, urged that establishing such a sytem would only antagonize al-Cata and encourage more attacks. In this public debate, Baldy responded by saying, "Fuck you. That fucking cat is 15 pounds and we max out at 4 ounces. How many more plush sea toys have to suffer before we defend ourselves." Tom Dachshund, whose wife works as a lobbyist for this company of fat cats, retorted that Baldy was putting arsenic in the water supply. I found myself convinced by the vulgar logic of Baldy and pronounced a series of new measures to protect Beaniebabyville from further al-Cata attacks. From today forward, no longer will I shower my prized citizens with catnip.

Beyond this issue, things seem to be going well in Beaniebabyville. The citizenry looks content, being that they normally sit silent and still when addressed, a sure sign of blissful obedience -- the kind of obedience that all rulers treasure.

2003-08-17T21:21:00.000-07:00

THINGS WE SAID TODAY

"Hey! That's a creative use for the vomit tray."

2003-08-16T22:32:00.000-07:00

ANOTHER MYSTERY CLEARED UP

Ever since I was a teenager, I had always wondered what would happen if a small child started to yell the word "penis" repeatedly in a quasi-nice restaurant.* Now I know.

* When you have children, the definition of an "elegant" restaurant changes dramatically. Nowadays, "elegant" implies that napkins don't come from dispensers and the menus don't have colorful birds on them. I refer here to one where they actually had cloth napkins (although they did have a kids menu).

2003-08-16T22:17:00.000-07:00

THINGS WE SAID TODAY (SPECIAL VACATION EDITION)

"Please remove the motorcross bike from mommy's nose. That's not where it belongs."

"Oh, sure. You won't let me buy a $5300 piece of art, but you can scrape up $4.95 for a kids meal at dinner."

2003-08-12T23:34:00.000-07:00

LA LA LAND

Is it the late hour, the proliferation of strange news or the hit of ecstasy that I took that is making me feel so connected with all of you who are reading my blog? Come here, I want to give you all a great big hug. I love my Beanie Babies. I really do. That is the first rule of good government. "Thou Shalt Hug Thy Petey Pig" -- Federalist 14.

2003-08-12T23:28:00.000-07:00

ETHICS 101

Is it morally acceptable to spraypaint your neighbor's windows black while he and his family are away on vacation?

2003-08-12T22:58:00.000-07:00

UNSAFE WITH ANY CREAM

Now this I like to see.

Follow Up: Didn't Mr. Nader say at one point that if he had been elected president in 2000, the 9/11 attacks would never had occured? Didn't he claim to have the foresight (in hindsight) to reinforce cockpit doors and improve airport security screening? Then how, one wonders, did this breach in pie security escape him?

Hat tip: Lee.

2003-08-12T22:53:00.000-07:00

IS IT JUST ME...

or are other people receiving telepathic signals from Charo regarding underwear?

2003-08-12T22:52:00.000-07:00

THINGS WE SAID TODAY

What part of "Cow, Moo, Me" don't you understand?

2003-08-12T20:38:00.000-07:00

CRAZY LIKE A FOX

I have to weigh in on the Fox v. Franken controversy. Britt Hume and all the other anchors have lost total credibility on the tort reform issue. Why couldn't they foresee all the problems with this. including the perverse effect of drawing attention to a book that probably would not have garnered much in sales (as far as comedy books go). D'oh!

2003-08-12T20:35:00.000-07:00

A SMALL VICTORY ... AND A TACTICAL SETBACK

To borrow the name from another intriguing blog out there, I have good news. One of the cats threw up on the linoleum in the laundry room instead of the berber carpet. We have to feed them this, which leaves the worst possible stains. However, we have developed a strategy for dealing with these increasingly frequent episodes -- let the vommit dry for a day or two, then scape it off with a credit card and treat the carpet with stain remover. It is much better than using stain remover immediately.

But for those of you leftists who wish me ill will, take comfort in the fact that one of the cats peed on the linoleum and it leaked under the wash machine. And in case you don't know, cat urine is one of the most distinctive smells in all the animal kingdom.

2003-08-12T20:25:00.000-07:00

ARGUING WITH THE VILLAGE IDIOT

There is a saying that goes "when a wise man argues with an idiot, you cannot tell who is who." Well, that isn't exactly true. Today Alan Colmes was arguing with Bill Bennett. (He gambles, I know. I'm okay with that.) Anyways, Colmes was trying to get Bennett to say something critical of Schwarzenegger, in large part (I believe) to pile on Rush Limbaugh's statement that Arnold wasn't a true conservative. Well, it turns out that Colmes is as stupid as he is ugly. Bennett explained a very basic game theoretic principle -- the maximin strategy (often seen hanging out with its buddy the minimax strategy). In layman's terms, this is choosing the lesser of two evils.

Well, Bennett has some reservations about Arnold's social policy preferences (but probablly not about gambling). Rush Limbaugh does too. So Colmes keeps prompting him -- so how could you vote for Arnold? Well, if Davis survives the recall, or if Bustamante wins, you get a governor with liberal social values and a lack of fiscal restraint. If Arnold is elected, you get a governor with liberal social values and someone who will probably exert a little more fiscal restraint. A better choice for Bennett or Limbaugh might be McClintock, but he ain't going to win. So you take the best of your worst options. Is that so hard to understand? Well, yes if your name is Alam Colmes.

And in related news, it is amazing to see how apoplectic Democrats are getting about this recall election. With Gebhart (Streisand spelling) declaring that this is a GOP conspiracy to subvert democracy. Wow!

2003-08-12T20:02:00.000-07:00

LOCK, LOCK

Who's there?

Jack.

Jack who?

Jack the Snipper.

This is one of the oddest news items of the day. Not because there is some guy going into the bedrooms of college women and cutting their clothes while they sleep -- sure that's odd enough. What really amazed me was that this guy was able to get access to these women because their doors were unlocked! Folks, there is a reason we put locks on doors! It is to keep the weirdos and freaks out. I can't imagine anyone, or any college (if they bear the ultimate responsibility -- it is not clear yet), leaving dormitory or apartment doors unlocked. Hell, I live out in the middle of the country where I often see more rabbits and deer in a single day than people, but I have deadbolt locks and an alarm system (mostly because this guy knows who I am).

2003-08-12T14:59:00.000-07:00

LEMOMETER

Today's reading: Enya and Lemon Jelly.

2003-08-12T11:04:00.000-07:00

B.B. KING -- DAY 2

Click for the initial post and Day 1.

Another glorious day in the kingdom. No rain today and I greet my citizenry with a benevolence that I have become famous for. Unfortunately, there was some minor turmoil in the kingdom. The Beaniebabyville Administrative Center (BAC) was struck by a nasty blaster worm yesterday. Ironically, it came only a few hours after I had installed Win XP and hence I thought it was a problem with the upgrade. Good fortune dictated that I had a friend on call to help with me out, as I am only a moderately competent computer user.

How does this relate to the governance of Beaniebabyville, you ask? Well, Mayor Royale does not take kindly to problems arising in the BAC. Before I knew exactly what the problem was, I called the citizenry together and demanded an answer. Again, only silence was heard. "This will not do," I screamed. "Until one of you confesses to what has happened to the BAC, I shall punish Bubbly the Bear." Bubbly the Bear was then placed into a box of safety pins. Sadly, for Bubbly, all the safety pins were opened. Once the problem was discovered and all Beaniebabyville citizenry were cleared of guilt, I removed Bubbly and put him back in the Dust Bunny Mines, where he could return to the task of filling his Five Month Plan quota.

Now some of you may see this as arbitrary rule. And some of you may also consider arbitrary rule as a poor means of governance. If citizens cannot predict the whims of the ruler, they have little incentive to produce efficiently. Perhaps. But arbitrary rule instills fear and fear is a nice way to maintain power in the short term. And what the hell are you all gonna do? Have the UN impose sanctions and vote on resolutions? Fine.

All hail Mayor Royale.

2003-08-12T10:40:00.000-07:00

56 DAYS LATER

The other night I saw 28 Days Later for a second time. I highly recommend it. It is a scary film in a psychological way -- gore (not Al) is present but filmed in such a way that it is not overwhelmingly disgusting. Anyways, what got me back to the theatre was (1) a friend wanted to see it; and (2) the producer of the film distributed an "alternative ending." (You will see why that phrase is in quotes in short while here.)

Caution -- mild spoiler below. Proceed at your own risk.

This "alternative ending" was supposedly the original ending of the film but was pulled because it was too grim. The film was pretty grim throughout, especially for those of you who have children.* However, the movie did have a happy ending that was somewhat of a jump in plot, though there was a mild hint to it about 2/3 of the way through the film. The ending did achieve the goal of allowing you to leave the theatre without feeling suicidal. Well, I waited for the "alternative ending" but saw the exact same ending as I did before. Some kid who is Internet savvy told me to wait until after the credits to see the alternative. (Hence, the movie had the same ending -- it wasn't an "alternative ending." I think a more appropriate term for the "alternative ending" would be an "appendix.") I can see why the original ending did not test well. Had I not seen the current ending, I would probably have left the theatre and jumped off a cliff. Had they retained the original ending the movie would have been an exercise in angst-ridden existentialism.** The message of the film would have been "there is always hope, but since your hopes never come to fruition life is just miserable zombie-filled existence."

* Having children has really altered how I view films. It has upped the amount of empathy I have with the characters on the screen. When something bad happens to a child (e.g., see Identity -- kind of), I can't help internalizing it. As you can guess, something bad happens to a child in 28 Days Later.

** I've always found hardcore existentialists to be very miserable people. They're always brooding.

2003-08-11T08:55:00.001-07:00

B.B. KING -- DAY 1

What a glorious day in the kingdom.* The sun is shining and I found my first tour of Beaniebabyville to be most pleasant. Two items were on the political agenda for today. First, we entertained an international proposal by Little Miss Atilla to change the name of the city to "beanieville." Being that I created the polity and named it Beaniebabyville, I presented my case for that moniker in open debate. I asked for rebuttals. None were forthcoming. I then asked for a voice vote to change the name to "beanieville." The citizenry just sat their silent, as if their mouths were sewn shut.

My second proposal needed no debate as it was an executive decree. I announced the beginning of the first of several Five Month Plans to promote economic growth. Such growth is necessary to offset the growing economic threat of Powerrangerburg, a city that exists across the Great Grassy Divide. The First Five Month Plan will encourage the citizens of Beaniebabyville to mine 45 pounds of dust bunnies over the course of the plan. We shall become the greatest producer of dust bunnies in the Global Neighborhood. The producers of Barbiestan will shake in awe at our productive acumen. I have also imposed a dirt tariff on all shoes entering the kingdom. This will not only create an incentive to spur our own production of dust and dirt bunnies, but it will also prohibit our citizens -- particulary Lullaby the Lamb -- from being contaminated from the cultural filth of the outside. All hail the glorious Five Month Plan!!

* While kingdom may sound too authoritarian for some of you, please let me inform you that this is a "philosopher king(dom)," one that would make Plato proud. I take the title of Mayor Royale and was democratically elected. I was the only name on the ballot, I voted for myself, and none of the Beanie Baby citizenry showed up to the polls. To remedy this shocking lack of civic virtue, I am instituting a program called "bowling together." This program will feature teams of 10 Beanie Babies organized in a triangular fashion with the goal of either standing or falling together.

2003-08-11T08:55:00.000-07:00

IS THIS MAUREEN DOWD'S GRANDMOTHER?*

Molly Ivins, who has never hit my radar screen until this morning, really seems to be lacking a sense of irony. Or perhaps it is that she hopes her readers lack one. Here are the first few sentences from her column about the decline of political discourse in the U.S.

"Let us stop to observe a few mileposts on the downward path to the utter degradation of political discourse in this country. A recent newspaper advertising campaign by "independent" groups supporting President Bush shows a closed courtroom door with the sign, "Catholics Need Not Apply," hanging on it. The ad argues that William Pryor Jr., attorney general of Alabama and a right-wing anti-abortion nominee to the federal appeals court, is under attack for his "deeply held" Catholic beliefs. Actually, Pryor is under attack because he's a hopeless dipstick." (emphasis added)

* Maureen Dowd has best been known lately for taking quotes out of context. But she also have been known for lacking an self-conscious sense of irony.

2003-08-11T08:47:00.000-07:00

UNSAFE IN ANY OFFICE

Oh why did we not elect Ralph Nader when we had the chance? Not only is he a hard-working consumer and labor activist,* but apparently he is psychic as wel. This from US News & World Report.

"Likely 2004 third-party presidential hopeful Ralph Nader thinks the 9/11 terrorist attacks wouldn't have happened if he had been president. He claims that amid all the big decisions new presidents have to make after inauguration, he would have ordered cockpit doors to be hardened against attack. He says an old report warning about how easy it is to get in the cockpit still sticks with him. What's more, he would have wiped out Osama bin Laden and his gang without a shot being fired. How? Bribe Osama's friends to hand him over."

* Who opposes unionization for his own organizations. That must be because they are treated and paid so well.

2003-08-09T22:43:00.000-07:00

B.B. KING -- IN THE BEGINNING

All the discussion about Arnold's run for CA governor brought up an important issue for me. When running for political office, an incumbent tends to have a significant advantage over a new challenger, ceteris paribus. If neither candidate is an incumbent, experience in some other political office (be it school board, water commissioner or county council representative) tends to help. Arnold seems to be the exception to the rule, but he has also appeared in an amazing number of blockbuster movies such as Junior, Eraser and The Last Action Hero.

Well, I've been contemplating a run for public office (and actually have been encouraged by a few people). However, since I'm a pretty brilliant guy, and because I have a blog, I don't want to start out with any puny shit office. No water commissioner for me. It is either governor, US Senate or nothing. However, I have a problem. I have never held public office before (other than sitting in the mayor's chair during an elementary school field trip). Worse yet, my movie credits only include standing around an "on location" movie set and bugging them until they gave me $25 to go away. (This actually works.)

So, I need experience. To remedy this, I have gathered my son's collection of Beanie Babies into a small village and have appointed myself Mayor Royale (a cross between an elected executive and an absolute dictator). Henceforth, the village shall be called Beaniebabyville. Because I am an ardent devotee of The Federalist Papers and the subsequent checks and balances built into the US Constitution, I have created a proper constitution for Beaniebabyville, which henceforth will be called the Beaniebabyville Constitution of 2003 (BC2003). The logic of this constitution is that "less is more." Too many conditions become too confusing and are really hard to write. The Constitution shall take effect tomorrow at 12:01 a.m. and contains the following:

Article 1, Section 1. All citizens of Beanybabyville shall heed and obey the declarations of the Mayor Royale.

Article 2, Section 1. Any citizen of Beanybabyville not complying with Article 1, Section 1 shall be disemboweled.

Let our new and enlightened way of life begin!

2003-08-09T22:20:00.000-07:00

PAINT ME STUPID

Lee at Right Thinking* links to this NYT article (requires free subscription) about a junior high school teacher who plead guilty to possessing (with intent to sell) cocaine and marijuana. The reason this is news is that a court just ordered this guy to be reinstated to his old job. Part of his old job was being the Dean of Discipline at the junior high school. This decision apparently hinged upon his completion of a drug counseling course that would expunge the drug conviction from his criminal record.

Well, paint me stupid, but this raises an important issue for me. Being a teacher myself, I didn't know it was wrong to sell drugs to students. Go figure. You learn something new everyday.

* Lee's permalinks seem to be out of commission.

2003-08-08T22:16:00.000-07:00

CAMPAIGN POSTERS

Some dandy campaign posters here. Warning: Not for small children or anyone offended by language commonly found here.

Truth or Dare: How many of you think I should post the Arnold one on my university office door?

2003-08-08T22:08:00.000-07:00

BIG DADDY UPDATE

Well, he did it again. Lemon Jr., while I was getting him in his jammies for the night, put his head on my shoulder and said, "Daddy, I want to be just like you." I said, "how?" He replied, "I want to be a coach. I want to coach t-ball. And I will coach a team called the yellow beavers." (His team is currently known as the Blue Sharks.) Again, this makes the urine in the hair all worth it.*

* This is a true story. While at a major theme park, only weeks after he had potty trained ... well, let me just put it this way: Do not give your child a piggy back ride (on your shoulders) if he is only weeks from potty training and in an environment where he could get excited.

2003-08-08T19:31:00.000-07:00

CLEAR AS MUD

"Schwarzenegger vague on remedies." Gray Davis and Howard Dean held up as models of crystal clarity.

2003-08-08T17:42:00.000-07:00

BIG DADDY

I typically blog about my son's strange and errant ways, which are nowhere near as the story told in the post below. However, I am breaking the norm and telling you a very endearing story. As mentioned below, I coach t-ball. Coaching your own son can be tough since he expects that I will pay attention to him on the field and not the other 11 kids. Balancing this is pretty difficult, especially since my sense of balance is on par with Janet Reno after a five martini lunch.

Yesterday my son, with no prompting, said to me, "You're my coach... and my daddy." So I asked him, "Do you like me better as coach or daddy?" He said "daddy." I then asked why, and he said, "because I love you and you play fun games with me."* Moments like these almost make the cellphone in the toilet all worth it.

* Note: This will be the last time you see "I love you" on this blog.

2003-08-08T17:36:00.000-07:00

WHY BOTHER?

I coach t-ball for three- and four-year olds. Big tip -- three-year olds are too young for t-ball.

Anyways, there is one kid who I just have to blog about. First, he is (or should I say his parents are) never on time. In a 45-minute practice/game, his family usually comes 30 minutes late. The earliest they ever came was 15 minutes late. Two sessions ago, they came 42 minutes late! Why bother?!

The other thing is that this is one of the weirdest kids I've ever seen. He seems completely oblivious to everything going on around him and seems to wander aimlessly (more than most other kids). If he has the ball you cannot predict where the ball will end up. By this I mean anything within a 360 degree circle is fair game, and you don't know if it will be an over or underhand throw. He will just stand there with the ball in his hand with a blank look on his face staring who knows where. We coach him to "throw the ball, throw the ball." Then all of a sudden, with absolutely no warning, he will just start flailing (and I mean randomly flailing) his arms and let the ball go. Its the same thing with a bat -- we need to clear all the other kids far away.

I wish you all could see this because I've never, ever seen anything like this before.

2003-08-08T17:29:00.000-07:00

HELLO KITTY

Just wanted to say hi.

2003-08-08T16:02:00.000-07:00

FUN AND GAMES

Sometimes you would think that certain companies don't have a sense of humor. Not so in this case.

2003-08-08T11:57:00.000-07:00

THE COMING BLOG BURST

James at OTB says that everyone will be linking to this Lileks piece, which I refuse to link to just because he said that everybody will be linking to it. Lilkes is commenting on a piece that bloggers won't match Rush Limbaugh in influence and then makes an argument that bloggers -- not any particular one, but en masse -- are more influential.

This reminds me of the early talk surrounding the Internet. Remember? The Internet would replace "bricks and mortars" businesses. The Internet would transform social relations, blah, blah, blah. Well, I still like going to Borders books and drinking coffee and the Internet has not yet devised a way to make toast or wipe my ass after a bowel movement. I still would rather read my WSJ in print than staring at a radioactive screen. There are some two million bloggers out there, most of them (including myself) with nothing original to say. Is this the next manifestation of democracy? Sure, to the extent that two million people talking to a heap of scrap metal is democracy.

Listen, blogging is kinda neat. I do it more for myself than anything. It keeps me thinking about different things, it allows me to tell jokes and unusual stories when I'm not in the classroom, and it keeps me from writing my next book. My wife also agrees that it is better than porn, which I agree with. But we need to keep all of this in perspective. Blogging is basically ye olde "infinite number of monkeys with an infinite amount of time trying to write Shakespeare."

Plus, Lileks cites Star Trek alot and that is kinda scary. I went to a Star Trek convention once when I was a young teen and met Chekov. I looked around at all the adults at the convention and realized that I wanted to grow up and get a job at some point in my life. So here I am. Writing a blog. Oh, well. All our dreams can't come true.

2003-08-08T06:55:00.000-07:00

WHODA THUNK?

My posts have been light the past 24 hours as there have been some odd problems with Blogger (TM ... or perhaps S&M?). I had stuff to say about Arnold, Hillary and gay bishops, but I can't remember what now (short term memory -- I'm the academic version of Dory the Fish). Anyways, there are an infinite number of monkees on the Internet typing away, so I'm sure what I wanted to say was said somewhere else.

2003-08-07T12:39:00.000-07:00

THE NEW PHONE BOOK HAS ARRIVED

To paraphrase Steve Martin, "The new phone book's here. Whoopee!"

This is news only an academic could be interested in.

2003-08-07T12:34:00.000-07:00

THINGS WE SAID TODAY

"Please get your foot out of the toilet bowl."

2003-08-06T13:46:00.000-07:00

IMPORTANT QUESTION

Mrs. Lemon is thinking about getting a small table for the entrance by our garage door so that we may store our briefcases and keys, thereby keeping them off the kitchen island counter.

Should I get a Corvette?

2003-08-06T13:39:00.000-07:00

THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING

It has been an unusually unproductive day. You can tell this by the fact that the highlight so far is when I got excited that the mail and the garbage pickup came at roughly the same time.

In the mail today, I received a small ad with the following phrase: "Education, the best gift you can give your child."

My son disagrees and argues that a Power Rangers Super Detroyer Pack would be a much better gift. I gotta go with him on this one as his choice is way cheaper.

2003-08-06T12:45:00.000-07:00

GAS ATTACK

Does anybody recall if I took my vitamins today? For the life of me, I can't remember. This is an amazingly weird day. I think I had too much nitrous oxide at the dentist today, which is problematic considering that I didn't go to the dentist today.

2003-08-06T12:33:00.000-07:00

GET OFF THIS

I really need to get to work today.

2003-08-06T12:32:00.000-07:00

DO I NEED A DECODER RING?

James at OTB has made up a new code of ethics for bloggers. But it is so secret that I can't seem to find out what it is. Am I missing an inside joke here?

My only code is that there is no code. Oooooh, now there is a philosophical paradox.

2003-08-06T12:30:00.000-07:00

FYI FOR BRAINIACS

As noted in a post below, Howard Dean didn't have good grades. However, he went to medical school. The question came up as to which one. The answer is The Albert Einstein School of Medicine in the Bronx, part of Yeshiva University. Does anybody know anything more about this school (e.g., its reputation) or Dean's history of getting into it?

2003-08-06T12:13:00.000-07:00

RECYCLING RECYCLED

Read my post here first, then come back and read this from here:

"...[Howard] Dean campaign manager Kate O'Connor was, perhaps, excited.
'We're back in Vermont for the day,' she had messaged supporters. 'We're in the office reintroducing ourselves to the people we work with!! And it sure is exciting here in the HQ!! Someone put a Coke can in the trash — and boy, was that a mistake! The Gov. noticed and reminded us that everything must be recycled!'"

And you thought I was joking about these people!

Hat tip: Taranto's Best of the Web.

2003-08-06T11:46:00.000-07:00

SPRINGFEST HAS BEEN CANCELLED

Apparently ignoring the advice of Mark Cuban,* Jerry Springer has decided to bow out of a Senate run.

* If Kobe is good for the NBA, Jerry would be great for political participation.

2003-08-05T23:28:00.000-07:00

LEMOMETER

Despite listening to some Rolling Stones today, I have been really listening to this disc alot. I didn't like it as much as this one at first, and had it on the shelf for awhile, but it really has grown on me and I think it is a masterful piece of work. It could well be this for the first decade of 2000. Plus, if you go here, you can see some really great videos for this album.

2003-08-05T23:22:00.000-07:00

ALL TALK, NO LISTEN

Remember when Hillary did her listening tour? Remember when people actually listened to Tom Daschle? Remember when someone started a rumor that Tom Daschle was going to step down at the end of his term, and it was likely planted by Hillary's people?

Well, guess what? Tom's got a blog and it doesn't have a comment section.

2003-08-05T22:30:00.000-07:00

HOL(LING)ISTIC

Good think Fritz Holling has a holistic view of our economy. He sees everything in perspective. Like this...

"at the end of World War II we had 40 percent of our workforce in manufacturing. And now we're down to 10 percent. We've got 10 percent of the country working and producing, and we've got the other 90 percent talking and eating. That's all they're doing."

Since Fritz is an old guy and his heart can't take anymore surprises, please do not tell him that of the "90 percent talking and eating," a good 80% of those will soon not be talking. Instead, they will be blogging.

2003-08-05T13:52:00.000-07:00

TIME TO RETIRE?

This is too unreal to believe. Why bother having a Constitution at all?